> PUT CPU IN VAX

God, 2023 went fast. It feels weird to think that in a few hours, it'll be the new year. I think in general, time is something that's hard to fathom or process for me. Just a few months ago, I finished up my masters degree and then I guess segued into 'proper' (this can be debated) adult life with a career. It's like the heaviest weight has been lifted when I think about the fact that I'm not obligated to step into a college again. But, the change has also been weird even if it's immensely gratifying. I love the work I do and (most) people I work with but also, I think I'm way more tired than usual. As 2023 comes to a close I want to think about all the accomplishments I've done but also thank all the wonderful friends I've made and people I've bonded with who have really given me the support I've needed to move forward. I know this sounds so Linkedin-post flavored bullshit but it's true. I've dealt with loss, some of the most stressful times of my life where I was too terrified to move forward, health problems, drama, the whole lot. I think I've been too tired and lazy too though. But I guess I've done /just enough/ to do well too; work comes first, every other obligation aside from basic needs comes after (maybe this isn't a great mentality but it works for me).

Because I feel kind of upset with this sense of laziness/indecisiveness, I want to resolve myself to do some more than this year (in which other things felt stagnant). I don't need to worry about my job. I already push myself there. But I definitely need to ignore my fears of mediocrity and be more consistent. This is useless info for the common man but I'm committing myself to at least do most of this before the end of 2024.

self-enlightenment
what a corny title. anyways, i've been given free resources, and I need to use them. I want to be a better offensive cyber specialist. Work will help with this but I need to get back into the nitty gritty again. My prior negative experiences in college drew me away from any interest I had, so I think it's time to get my ass back in gear and fiddle around with things I can legally mess with. I'll take some e-courses, finish off books I got from Humblebundle, and I need to be consistent with reading security articles and taking notes.

I also want to learn how to make proper PS1/PS2 models. This seems like a silly goal since I'm not even great at drawing, so it'll be a weird jump, especially when I only know how programs generate these models and basic CAD stuff, not really how to do anything complex. I need to complete a class on this and push myself in this regard so I can make cooler and better things.

I've committed myself to learning Russian but I've made meager progress. I can't communicate, just make out basic words. What good is knowing bullshit like the word snowman when you can't make small talk? I need to keep up daily practice, but maybe try Rosetta Stone or something like that and pray I can get better tutelage, if not, I'll take more e-courses and get the balls to call with native speakers. It's embarrassing but it's the only way I'll develop any skills.

I need to get better at writing and talk like a normal guy. Self isolation and also not taking any non-academic writing in the last three years has taken a toll on my grammar if I'm being honest. I need to learn how to write ideas down concisely and not sound like a rambling lunatic. So I think I should read more, drastically. Nonfiction and fiction. I gotta take some time each day to clear out the pile of books I have at my shelf.

Drawing is something that stresses me out even more than my work for whatever reason. Even if I know I'm better than average but still absolutely not great at it, I still have a complex where I have to work on things. Except everything looks sloppy. I need to do more studies, not just of Kogawa works or Hogarth, but looking at real people. I used to think that doing studies of band members is corny, but it's probably the best way of figuring out how to draw diverse features both realistically and stylized. So I guess you can expect some of that in the future. I also need to push myself to make more actual content of my original stuff I'm working on, because genuinely who is going to care if there is no content, no dialogue, no interactions. It's just a set of okay pictures you look at and move on. I gotta do something more.

I have too high standards for making a "first work" so most things I do never ever get finished. But I need to move past that belief and finally make something. I pray that by the summer I can get out a short mediocre Renpy kinetic story.

routines and small steps
Health-wise I'm not doing so great. This is both because of stress and other things, I've lost a lot of weight. So I think I need to get myself to care more about food and cook a bit more, get more carbs and protein etc etc, especially since I am doing sports again and I don't feel the same. I need to investigate to see if it's just my eating habits or if something else is wrong with me. But I definitely need to clear this up in order to get even enough energy to check off my goals. I want to get back into sports like I did years ago, build up my endurance, and be good enough to enter competitions again. I was there once, so I should be able to reach it again (I hope). Also, working long hours at a desk job is also taking a toll on my body. I need to take small breaks to walk around instead of zoning in at work all the time.

A while ago I thought I would have enough to say for weekly blogposts. I do, but I spill everything in an endless mass of stream-of-consciousness posting that frankly annoys people. I guess it's a habit that needs to change. I need to commit to writing something, whether it be stupid social commentary, a review of something I watched, some art I'm working on, story bits, music to share, whatever. It's true that not many will read it, but it's good to have something archived.

I thought I'd be able to do this earlier, but my life is too chaotic as of right now. I need to enroll in the volunteer aircraft repair group that's not too far away from me. It's an interest I've had for a few years now and I think it'll give me the experience I wanted for a while in terms of mechanic work.

I need to go out of my comfort zone and listen to even more music (full albums). Gotta brush up my RYM, add reviews, link things to people. I'm no expert in anything but it's good to share experiences.

I want to travel to at least one place outside the country before the end of 2024. I want to experience other cultures and eat good food and document the whole thing (how fucking corny). I think there is a lot of beauty in the world that needs to be experienced, and I think it will be better with friends.

In recent days I've picked up a terrible hobby (geoguessr). I have lofty goals but I absolutely want to get good, like championship good. It'll be a lot of time wasted but I have fun.

archiving
I promised earlier that I'd have vinyl and cassette rips, and then I had lots of issues with actually recording audio with my tape deck. That should be mostly resolved by now. In coming months I should be able to post rips of what I own, even if it truly is stupid (there's so many pre-existing rips of things on YouTube anyways)! But, I think each individual recording has something special about it, and maybe you'll think the same way. I especially want to get some recordings of my non-US vinyls and tapes.

In addition, I aim to work with some friends to get more scans/translations in. Unfortunately the lighting/camera setup at my house is not ideal. I might end up having to mail some books to people for better quality scans. Well, I at least aim to fund some translations for mecha content I enjoy (and hopefully some other people will too).


Good god this was a lot of rambling. Sorry for all that. Happy new years everyone.

mm, maybe it's counterintuitive to make a playlist on a blogging site rather than a youtube playlist, buut i want to try making this a habit.

i have a stupid goal of coming up with 80s playlists for nearly every country, but i have to start small first. ehehehe.

gonna dump my findings of the month


Karvan - Səni Görəndə



Karvan - Bilərsən

I can't find any english articles on the group so I'll rely off poorly Google Translated content. Karvan (Caravan in english) was an Azerbaijani pop group led by Sevinj Karimova. It was founded in 1984 in Baku but was disbanded due to the First Nagorno-Karabakh War. Alas, I can't find anything on Discogs either... Will keep tabs and see if I can dig something up later.



黄敏华 - 过气晚装

Zeta Wong is a singer from Hong Kong who won several singing competitions and her song Challenge supposedly even became an official song for the Olympics in 88. There may be more discography info missing but I could at least scavenge up discogs pages with her names: https://www.discogs.com/master/1623683-Zeta-Wong-Korea-%E6%8C%91%E6%88%B0 and https://www.discogs.com/artist/6284569-%E9%BB%83%E6%95%8F%E8%8F%AF.



Динамик / Dynamic - Воздух Свеж

Dynamic is another Moscow-originated music group from the 80s. It was short lived, only existing in 1982, until it became rebranded as Vladimir Kuzmin and the Dynamic group. I haven't dug too deep into their music so perhaps I'll come back to writing more on them later.
There's a cool little article on their work here https://vk.com/wall-174586524_62.



Harun Kolçak & Nur Yengi - Yeniden Aşkın

Both are singers from Istanbul with fairly extensive discographies. Yengi in fact is an actress and one of the most popular Turkish singers from the 90s. I'm getting lazy now so I'm not sure if I'll investigate further.



Доктор - Я схожу с ума

Okay, this is a weird case. I genuinely cannot find any info on this band at all. I'm unsure if it's mislabeled or not, I've found another band with the same name and release date but the vocals and production sound nothing alike. Maybe I can ask around on VK or some leddit site later. For now they remain a mystery.

-UPDATE-
Thanks to my friend Ulysses, the actual song has been found. Календарь - Ты снишься мне. Unfortunately, I have just as little information on this group. Man...






Zdravko Čolić - Pusti Pusti Modu

"Dubbed the 'Tom Jones' of the Balkans." I think that's a good enough summary. I'm a fan. I can't outdo this. He's a Bosnian Serb from Sarajevo and one of the most popular singers of former Yugoslavia. God bless.



Дисплей - Иностранка

Okei, I'd recommend listening to the full set that's on Spotify, it's great. Back to artist descriptions, it's a Ukranian synth/rock band composed of Vadim Lachuk and his wife Ellen Kreis. Will have to dig into their other work but the album this song is from is great.



Форум - Белая ночь

Lastly, I gotta finish it up with a demo(?) of White Night from Forum. I was gonna talk about them in this article but I'm saving up my autism for perhaps a solo entry on their group. I'm genuinely surprised that I haven't heard this version until last week and I'm a bit obsessed with it.

Thanks for bearing with this week of my musical adventure. Peace.

hi hi im rean and this blog will serve as my psuedo-intellectualism chamber. i'm not sure if i'm going to stick to this platform for archiving, but it's definitely better than twitter where i can actually tag any writeups or text dumps for future reference.

as of the time of writing this, i am 21 and carrying two degrees. yippee! i'm into cybersec but also a hobbyist artist. i try to write things that i think are important, but they're probably quite stupid.
i am huge into 80s mecha and i am trying very hard to archive posters/official art, eventually i aim to help get some scanlations in order with some buddies. i also have a huge interest in anything tangential with the cold war (except for some reason i could not care less about politicians. this is curious).

here's some shit i like.
anime: gasaraki, argento soma, spt layzner, votoms, mellowlink, insert garbage 80s OVAs, irredeemable bl+moeshit and circlejerk /a/ elitist shows here
manga: any of takayuki yamaguchi's works, most go nagai stuff (violence jack ftw!!!), homunculus, guyver, berserk, akira, fss (not for plot, but character designs..)
movies: nails, happiness, inland empire (most lynch things anyways), videodrome, stalker, solaris, barton fink, network
tv: twin peaks, x-files, barry, bcs/breaking bad, star trek (ds9 my favorite), kolchack, the rockford files, whatever 70s-80s crime dramas i'm probably missing
music: forum (and other 80s ssr shit), kidorikko, chakra, airmail from nagasaki, genesis, xtc, steely dan, yes, nine inch nails, machines of loving grace, of montreal, rem, goreshit, prefab sprout, picasso
vidya: planet laika, all the kill the past games, gen3-4 pokemon (especially pmd), garage a bad dream adventure, fear and hunger, killer instinct, plok, baroque, metal gear, hotline miami, early final fantasy, mother, megami tensei, silent hill, 90s point and click/text based games, ryona games
general: the weather channel, satellites/space race, cold war, nuclear development, ham radio, martial arts, las vegas, building facades, re, plamo, airplanes
i'm absolutely fogetting things. whatever


hopefully i don't forget this site exists in coming weeks. cheers!